HOVERING Parents

This morning I read the news and saw a French fishing vessel has rescued Abby - the 16 year old girl whose boat was crippled in the Indian Ocean. Yesterday I was reading the comments from people saying her parents were terrible for allowing her to attempt the voyage.

I found myself agreeing with some of the comments. I also immediately thought of the cost involved in the worldwide rescue. I thought about the parents letting a 16 year old girl sail around the world alone and how much money we would be spending on rescues and how many lives would be lost if more teenagers got a wild hair to do the same. I didn't dwell on any of these thoughts, but they flitted through my mind in .02 seconds or so.

This morning as Abby has been found and rescued, I read a quote from her parents that, paraphrased, said simply "These days we are too overprotective of our kids... " and I started to think about that and I realize, I agreed with that statement as well.

Last night I watched "The Runaways" and I found myself thinking about Cherie and how she packed her bags and joined the band, and was soon flying to Japan to perform, all without parental or adult supervision. She was fifteen. Had she had a more protective mother she wouldn't have been able to go and the futures of Joan Jett and Lita Ford would have also been adversely affected.

From there my brain reminded me that our wars have been fought, and won with teenagers allowed to enroll in the military. Some of our most amazing music has been written by children and teenagers that were believed in and supported. Our actors and actresses that as children and teens have given us some of the more incredible movies that live long past their own lives (It's a Wonderful Life... Sound of Music... will live on longer than the stars that made them). Daniel Boone killed his first bear when he was three. Our great-grandparents could sew, cook, read and take care of farm chores by the age of 6. There were expectations of them because they were capable of them.

I thought about the 13 year old boy who just two (?) weeks ago climbed to the top of Mount Everest. At the time when I read it I really didn't care and it meant little to me - probably because I have zero interest in mountain climbing but looking from a different perspective, I guess it's great that this parents allowed him to try and supported him in his endeavors.

Kids and teens are capable of so much more than they get credit for as we tend to pamper them and overprotect them and have, in the last decade, become 'helicopter' parents; hovering.

Why? I think in part because we worry about being judged by our peers and also because society has taken away so many rights of parents. Every little thing you do now as a parent is scrutinized by others. If your 2 year old has a bruise on their forehead you are immediately suspect by neighbors, preschool teachers, daycare workers and strangers for beating your child. You have to hesitate to correct them or discipline children now because people will gladly and immediately call police on you. Parents can't even reprimand their awful, misbehaving child in a store or at a park without dirty looks from others. Yet when that child is 12, having had no real discipline, those same adults blame the parent because their twelve year old is so out of control. Of course they are.

Our society today is "guilty until proven innocent" so young parents tend to hover, to over protect and to hold children back because the parents don't want to be blamed if something goes wrong. (How many times have you overheard the Mom or Dad in line at the grocery store or shopping mall a screaming child and they are repeating "No no sweetie. Please don't scream honey. Sweetie, I'll buy you gum if you be quiet now." They know they are being judged but they're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Fifteen or twenty years ago common sense still existed.

Today the police and 'authorities' are called in and the current fashion is "Who can we blame!?" "Someone must pay!" "Take their kids away!" When parents rights are taken away and given over to government the parents have to walk on egg shells. Those eggshells adversely affect how children are raised and parented. Kids are overprotected. Kids are coddled. Kids are pampered and not given the chores and responsibilities of being part of a family. They are often held back from doing amazing things because it's not what a typical 14 year old would do.

I actually feel bad for the parents of this girl, Abby, who was attempting to sail solo around the world. It's wonderful that she was found alive but if her boat had capsized and she had lost her life I guarantee there would be an investigation into the parents and charges brought against them for child neglect and who knows what else! Not only would they be grieving the loss of their child but they would be treated horribly by the government, police and lawyers and be caught up in so much bureaucratic red tape.

Strides are made and the world improves because of the people who dare to break the mold and try new things, new idea's and take a chance. Even if they are teenagers. And really, if you can climb Mount Everest at 13 years old... you are empowered to know you can achieve anything you put your mind to. That's what we all tell our children anyway! These parents are just putting their money (and their faith) where their mouth is.