Thanksgiving Talk

Disclaimer - The image above may not make sense, but I kinda liked it ;)

To all my American readers... Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm done for the day having coffee but haven't started the cooking yet ( I plan to make something today.. Sadly, we don't get turkey here in India, at least not that easily). It's a perk to having a home cooked meal... you don't have to go out to the restaurant and pay an outlandish amount for something that you don't like.

This morning as I lay (lie?) in bed, thinking about the upcoming holidays, Christmas and New Year and work and of course lack of time and money to even START shopping...

I had an image of me being pulled and shoved into the holidays like a mule. A stubborn mule, digging in their heels and refusing to go ahead. As a faceless body pulled the red halter and tried to to pull with all their might I told myself no matter how much I refuse to admit it's already the holiday season, it's not going to help. The holidays are here whether I like it or not. Whether I'm ready or not.

How strange to absolutely worry about the holidays instead of being excited and happy and loving them. This is odd for me. I don't like it.

Well, my coffee is getting cold and I have a food to prepare and stuffing to stuff. Remember Thanksgiving people... today is about thanking God for the blessings you have in your life and helping you get through the previous year. Thank Him for the harvest of food you are eating, the roof over your head and the friends in your life. Thank Him for your family and for this country that you are lucky to live in... you could be dying in Ethiopia or Africa, you could be in the middle of a drug war in Mexico, you could be under extreme strict leadership in China or North Korea.... be Thankful.

Last year I chastised myself on the way to work one day when I looked at the tree's, realized how beautiful they were and that I had MISSED IT. I had been so busy with work and schedules that I completely and utterly missed Autumn.

I told myself that this year I would take notice. I would make sure to suck up every beautiful color nature provided me with and every wonderful fall day...

And I almost missed it again!



This year we were blessed with surprise weather (people who have stayed 2 years in Chennai would understand me completely) which gave me a few more weeks of beautiful fall weather... I'm afraid it made me complacent! I knew the end of autumn was right around the corner but it was easy to put it out of my mind when the weather was so nice.

Now, it's too dull outside with occasional rains - but today I need to find time to do something that involves wrapping my brain around autumn. Something to make me think 'Fall' and get into that AMERICAN Thanksgiving spirit. I have no IDEA where August, September and October went! I was so busy working and keeping up with errands that I missed the whole darn thing.

Not sure what I'll do over the next couple of weeks but it better involve AUTUMN in some way, shape or form or I'll kick myself!!!!!!!

Loved This Photo

Shhhh!!

Loved this photo when I saw it on a British news site last week. Since I don't have much talk this past couple of weeks, I figured a fun photo would be better than a rambling post. Enjoy!

Pondering the Different Mothering Skills and Personalities of Pigeons

Over the past 1 month we've enjoyed watching three 'families' of pigeon raise their young. There were such differences between the Mama (and Daddy) birds that I've often found myself thinking about them as I had always assumed that a bird was a bird was a bird. Especially where pigeons are concerned.

The first was in a tree near the front gate right outside my window where I used to sit at the desk in the morning and write. I watched her tending the eggs, sitting quietly in the tree, watching the world go by. I watched her tending the little pigeons as their heads would poke out of the top of the nest and would peek over to catch a glimpse of them when I was outside. They were quiet and hidden and most people would never know they were there even though you walk within 5 feet of them to approach our building. The mother bird would sit quietly in her nest and 'people watch'. She would sit still, not make a peep but would watch you with her eyes, never letting you out of her sight. Even if we were mowing in and out or just peeking in at her and her babies, she would sit and warily look at you but she was calm and secure.

The second group was in a very small tree near the back gate. My room mate mentioned there was a nest in it one day. I never would have known as it was such a small sapling that although it had a lot of green leaves, it seemed a bad choice for a birds home. This Mama and Daddy bird couple were psycho. She was great at going to find food for her babies but she was loud and obnoxious. She and her partner would scream and swoop at you if you were even 15 feet away from the nest. She spent little time actually 'in' the nest, but often was on the fence about 10 feet away or on a roof top or the bar of a swing set in the neighbors yard. She was a screamer. She was nervous. She was angry and loud. Her bad choice of nesting was proved when the babies were blown out of the nest not once, not twice, but three times after small thunderstorms moved through the area. Someone rescued them and put them back for her as two of the three babies were tiny and newborn and little more than sacks of skin and fuzz. She never sat still for long, was always hopping, flying, and 'talking'. We couldn't even go outside near the tree (20-30 feet away without her getting angry!) I swear she just wouldn't shut up and she never wanted to sit on her nest like I'd seen other Mama birds do.

The first pigeon, in the front went on to raise a second batch of babies, again in her quiet manner. I had no idea she even had a second little family until I happened to glance out and saw her sitting in her nest again and soon, new little heads were peeking over the edge. What a quiet, confident and skilled mother she was and I didn't notice a 'daddy' helping her like the family of pigeons in the back yard had.

I had no idea pigeons had such different personalities and mothering skills!

What a stark contrast between the calm, confident mama pigeon in the front yard and the squawking, loud, irritating mama pigeon in the backyard. Admittedly the Mama bird in the front became my favorite and I was sick and tired of the bird in the back who just wouldn't calm down and stop screaming all the time.

I've found it interesting to watch. To ponder. To smile at and shake my head.

The similarities to human mothers was not lost on me.

Let's Redo Sunday Instead of Starting Monday, K?

It's almost Monday... but I'm not ready for it.

As stressful as the weekends can be with their own basket of problems, stressful issues and things breaking down, there is a level of cowardliness in coping when you know some of the 'must do' items on your list can't be done on Sundays when the specialty stores and many businesses are closed.

Once Monday arrives, it hits you smack in the face.

I started to write down everything I have to remember to do, get, go, call about, schedule, look for and finish... My mouth dropped open and I sighed. I sat there gobsmacked.

My list of "To Do" over the next 3 days is so overwhelming that today I am putting it into an excel spreadsheet to prioritize, organize and keep track of what is done and what still needs to be done.

Remember My Ghostie Stories? Some of You Might.

Years ago, before the long hiatus, I used to talk (sometimes) about the weird things that go on. If any of my readers from 'back then' are still around you'll know what I'm talking about.

I do have to say that for the first time in my stay in this city, this house has convinced my friend that there is more to this world than just us humans. You never really understand nor believe until you start living some of the strange things yourself and see them yourself. But even so, I can't say I'd believe other people's stories 95% of the time either! But here in our home, things happen often enough that it's just become a way of life. We always (always!) strive to debunk things and find a theory that 'could' have caused the action but when you've exhausted all explanations you are left with... something unexplainable.

While I take it all in stride, say 'hmph', smile or just shrug my shoulders and go on, my friends are still quite shocked and bothered by the strange things that go on. They haven’t gotten nonchalant about it as I have. So you have to picture their face and hear the shock and awe in his voice when I tell any of these stories!

Anyway! This isn't a big deal - but it made me laugh so I thought I'd share.

Yesterday my roommate was making 2 sandwiches for dinner. I had been talking to him but as he got about half way done with his sandwich making I left the kitchen to sit in the living room with the laptop. About 5 minutes later he stood in the doorway with a strange look on his face.

"Did you come in the kitchen?" he asked.

"No. Why?" But the look on his face and the sound of his voice made me laugh... I knew 'something' had happened.

Apparently he finished making his sandwiches; putting 3 olives under the chicken on one sandwich but deciding not to put any olives on his second sandwich so he put them away. He topped both sandwiches with the 'lid' and then turned to the sink, washed off the butter knife, placed it in the sink and turned around to his plate on the counter.

There was one whole, green olive on top of one of his sandwiches. Carefully placed with the little red pimento side up, it was placed in the middle of the circle - on the sandwich that he had not wanted any olives on.

He was confused so he opened his first sandwich and counted; 1, 2, 3. All three olives were there, tucked under the chicken where he put them. So where did this 4th olive come from, and how did it end up on top of his 2nd sandwich after he had placed the top buns on them, pressed them down gently and turned to the sink?

He was rather upset and confused and uncomfortable.

I just laughed.

I told him just yesterday I was thinking that our ghost had been quiet for a while and I wondered what was up.

He lifted the olive and tucked it in his sandwich under the chicken. He bent his head to take a bite.

"You're going to eat an olive that a ghost touched!?" I asked.

He stopped, glanced at his sandwich and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Death By Firing Squad? I Couldn't Be the Firing Squad.

Coffee Conversation... but not really.

It's a little more serious than typical lighthearted coffee talk around the kitchen table... but the guy who died last week in Utah by firing squad (by his own choice... which I support): Ummm, could you be part of the firing squad?

This is what I thought last night.

I couldn't.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the trigger.

We know he was a bad guy who has killed people. I support capital punishment. I support his choice to die by firing squad but I wonder if he chose it because till now only 3 have chosen it since 1976 and I think he may have been hoping the media coverage and outrage by some would help him in getting a stay in execution.

I know that I could pull the trigger if it was in the heat of the moment and someone was hurting someone in our family. If my life or the lives of our parents or children were in danger I could do it.

But to have to shoot someone in a situation like 'death by firing squad'? I couldn't do it. I don't have that in me.

The five officers that were part of the anonymous death squad? All volunteered for the position. It makes me wonder about what is in their head.

I mangled this post - it's nothing like I planned on writing but I was trying to hurry and finish typing it while at the same time answering and talking to my friend on the phone as he was giving me tons of information on a dear family friend who is likely to pass away (much too young) of cancer this week, updates on a cousin of mine, my Uncle's eye surgery, my brothers new travel plans, my sisters shopping extravaganza , my nephew getting into an accident today - he is fine but the kid who hit him isn't - and a few other topics. I finally was so frazzled I hit "publish" and then had to go back later and read what I wrote. I tried to shorten it a bit so it's been edited from the long(er) rambling mess it was.

Yesterday afternoon I noticed a raggety-taggety looking scrawny bird on our front step outside the door. Well, admittedly, my neighbors cat noticed it first. I hard the 'thud' of him hitting the glass window next to the door and went to investigate when I saw the straggler hanging out on my front step. Looking closer I said to myself, "Hey! You're out of the nest! Awesome!"

It was the baby bird who lives in a nest in a tree just beyond our front stair. Up to this point I've only see the tip of it's beak but apparently it was time to spread its wings and see a little more of the world.

I watched it for a bit and wondered where Mama was. Sure enough I spied her hopping along at the front edge of the lawn, ever watchful of where Baby was.

I took a moment to squat down on my haunches and enjoy the scene playing out in front of me.

Baby Bird didn't have all it's coloring yet and it was having a bad hair day with random feathers sticking up here and there and it's body not quite graceful and beautiful, but still gangling and awkward. Still, it was just as tall as it's Mama. It was interesting to think it was just as tall as it's parent but still so helpless in the world. It still needed Mama to come feed it, watch out for stray cats and chirp warnings and constant "cheeps" to check the location of it.

Mama was hopping around the sidewalk area, careful not to come close to the Baby Bird, but instead, busied herself looking out for it from afar. The Baby jumped off the step and hopped around the grass, oblivious to anything other than itself. Although my neighbor two cats are indoor cats and the Baby Bird was in no danger from our household, I did wonder where our neighbors cat was as they always keep their cat outside to terrorize the neighborhood, bother others cats and rip up patio screens trying to get into house.

Their cat, I knew, would have this Baby for dinner.

Then I realized it wasn't my job to worry about this Baby Bird. That's what his Mama was doing. She knew in order to teach the Baby Bird how to survive, she had to let it learn to fly on its own while watching from a safe distance away. In nature, as always, there is a chance the Baby Bird would wander into the street and get hit. A cat would attack it. Mean children would find it and kill it or other more aggressive birds would spy it and kill it before the Mama could fight them off, but in the end she knew instinctively that this is part of life and she was playing her part from 20 feet away.

The Baby Bird got a burst of courage and took to a wobbling, low flight going towards my neighbors home. Within a split second she was right behind it, chirping her admonishment but following closely.

Later that night I walked by the front window and saw Baby Bird sitting on a support wire at the base of the tree. I stopped to watch for a few seconds and saw it try to maneuver itself to flitter up to a branch. Its lack of knowledge made it attempt to land on a twig the size of a needle with one tiny leaf on the end of it. Obviously it didn't hold the bird and it immediately dropped a bit, fluttered it's wings and plopped to the ground. Lesson learned. You have to choose a stronger branch to land on!

Mama was right there, outside the immediate circle, watching closely and chirping support or again, perhaps admonishment. Her constant chatter always made me aware she was nearby even when I couldn't immediately see her.

Obviously her Baby Bird knew that too.

I smiled as I watched the Baby Bird learning to make it's way in the world why trying so hard to do everything on its own and doing it's best to try to ignore the Mama Bird who was watching out for it. And the Mama Bird standing back 20 to 30 feet and watching her Baby Bird struggle and fail and try again; knowing it will either make it or it won't but it was part of life and she was doing her best to teach it.

Much like 17 year old boys and their Mama's.

HOVERING Parents

This morning I read the news and saw a French fishing vessel has rescued Abby - the 16 year old girl whose boat was crippled in the Indian Ocean. Yesterday I was reading the comments from people saying her parents were terrible for allowing her to attempt the voyage.

I found myself agreeing with some of the comments. I also immediately thought of the cost involved in the worldwide rescue. I thought about the parents letting a 16 year old girl sail around the world alone and how much money we would be spending on rescues and how many lives would be lost if more teenagers got a wild hair to do the same. I didn't dwell on any of these thoughts, but they flitted through my mind in .02 seconds or so.

This morning as Abby has been found and rescued, I read a quote from her parents that, paraphrased, said simply "These days we are too overprotective of our kids... " and I started to think about that and I realize, I agreed with that statement as well.

Last night I watched "The Runaways" and I found myself thinking about Cherie and how she packed her bags and joined the band, and was soon flying to Japan to perform, all without parental or adult supervision. She was fifteen. Had she had a more protective mother she wouldn't have been able to go and the futures of Joan Jett and Lita Ford would have also been adversely affected.

From there my brain reminded me that our wars have been fought, and won with teenagers allowed to enroll in the military. Some of our most amazing music has been written by children and teenagers that were believed in and supported. Our actors and actresses that as children and teens have given us some of the more incredible movies that live long past their own lives (It's a Wonderful Life... Sound of Music... will live on longer than the stars that made them). Daniel Boone killed his first bear when he was three. Our great-grandparents could sew, cook, read and take care of farm chores by the age of 6. There were expectations of them because they were capable of them.

I thought about the 13 year old boy who just two (?) weeks ago climbed to the top of Mount Everest. At the time when I read it I really didn't care and it meant little to me - probably because I have zero interest in mountain climbing but looking from a different perspective, I guess it's great that this parents allowed him to try and supported him in his endeavors.

Kids and teens are capable of so much more than they get credit for as we tend to pamper them and overprotect them and have, in the last decade, become 'helicopter' parents; hovering.

Why? I think in part because we worry about being judged by our peers and also because society has taken away so many rights of parents. Every little thing you do now as a parent is scrutinized by others. If your 2 year old has a bruise on their forehead you are immediately suspect by neighbors, preschool teachers, daycare workers and strangers for beating your child. You have to hesitate to correct them or discipline children now because people will gladly and immediately call police on you. Parents can't even reprimand their awful, misbehaving child in a store or at a park without dirty looks from others. Yet when that child is 12, having had no real discipline, those same adults blame the parent because their twelve year old is so out of control. Of course they are.

Our society today is "guilty until proven innocent" so young parents tend to hover, to over protect and to hold children back because the parents don't want to be blamed if something goes wrong. (How many times have you overheard the Mom or Dad in line at the grocery store or shopping mall a screaming child and they are repeating "No no sweetie. Please don't scream honey. Sweetie, I'll buy you gum if you be quiet now." They know they are being judged but they're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Fifteen or twenty years ago common sense still existed.

Today the police and 'authorities' are called in and the current fashion is "Who can we blame!?" "Someone must pay!" "Take their kids away!" When parents rights are taken away and given over to government the parents have to walk on egg shells. Those eggshells adversely affect how children are raised and parented. Kids are overprotected. Kids are coddled. Kids are pampered and not given the chores and responsibilities of being part of a family. They are often held back from doing amazing things because it's not what a typical 14 year old would do.

I actually feel bad for the parents of this girl, Abby, who was attempting to sail solo around the world. It's wonderful that she was found alive but if her boat had capsized and she had lost her life I guarantee there would be an investigation into the parents and charges brought against them for child neglect and who knows what else! Not only would they be grieving the loss of their child but they would be treated horribly by the government, police and lawyers and be caught up in so much bureaucratic red tape.

Strides are made and the world improves because of the people who dare to break the mold and try new things, new idea's and take a chance. Even if they are teenagers. And really, if you can climb Mount Everest at 13 years old... you are empowered to know you can achieve anything you put your mind to. That's what we all tell our children anyway! These parents are just putting their money (and their faith) where their mouth is.